The Republic of Van Halen is a massive, safe nation, renowned for its infamous sell-swords, punitive income tax rates, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 3.11 billion Van Halenians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pasadena. The average income tax rate is 52.7%.

The strong Van Halenian economy, worth 154 trillion vans a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Retail. Average income is 49,655 vans, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.9 times as much as the poorest.

There has been a rapid increase of noise complaints over the sound of buzzing bees, soldiers stream their classified military operations live for millions of fans, money can't buy happiness but it can buy immunity to prosecution, and agreeing to appear on TV is often the best way to access social care. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Van Halen's national animal is the halen, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Van Halen is ranked 105,881^st in the world and 3^rd in The Burning Sands of Kroll for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 50 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.